Posted by: tranalist | May 7, 2008

2 a.m. musings

For some reason, my internal clock has been off this week.

Yesterday I woke up at 5 am–the wide awake sort of awake–and felt great and fully rested.

This morning I found myself up at 2:30 am, once again, wide awake and not sleepy in the slightest. After a hour of unsuccessfully trying to tell my body that it needed to sleep, because I do have to work, I settled on praying for an hour, secretly hoping I would be able to fall back into a restful slumber at its conclusion.

It didn’t work.

So now it’s 4 am and I’m sitting with my compy, in the living room, waiting for the world to wake up.

I’ve learned to just go with these sorts of things. I figure God knows how much sleep my body needs, so if I’m up at ungodly hours, I’ll have enough energy to sustain me throughout the rest of the day. I also think the fact that I haven’t been dreaming lately, and therefore, am able to sleep really well at night, is helping.

____

I remember one night, during our Chicago trip, my sister asked, because she loves to ask those questions, “What do you miss most about home?”

I stopped to think for a moment, then replied, “Nothing. I guess home follows me wherever I go…it’s wherever I find myself at the moment.”

I don’t know, maybe it’s God’s traveling mercies, but I seem to be quite adaptable to wherever my travels take me. It could also be attributed to the fact that my first real travel experience was a cramped 40-girl dorm, 150 westerners, 100 Mozambican pastors, latrines, bucket showers, and absolutely no privacy of ones own, except the few moments of solitude one could grab on the beach in Africa.

That pretty much forces you to become an adaptable person, and any other situation is going to seem a piece of cake!

Another neat thing that is starting to happen is God reawakening me to my strengths. And it has stemmed from the most unlikely place–the book we had to read and the personality test we had to take to prepare for our staff retreat at work.

As I read through the description of the personality type I tested as, I sat there nodding my head, saying, “That’s me!” But for some odd reason, and quite unconsciously, I had buried a lot of who I am over the past couple of years. I don’t know if it’s because I am such a strong, independent personality, that I needed to go through a time of learning how to properly balance that out, and now that I have, I can begin to access that strength again in a more healthy and productive way. Or maybe it was the trauma I experienced from my first job that made me retreat into my shell and now, in my new, healthy office environment, I am finally able to flourish. Ha!

Whatever the cause, I’m glad that my confidence is returning.

And finally, at church on Sunday, God reminded me of something He had told me during my stay in Africa: I would bring healing through touch (which is probably why I love hugging people so much!). So far it’s been limited to emotional healing and I’m still trusting for the physical healing!

After the preach, I put my arms around a girl and said “I appreciate you.” She burst into tears. We sat there quietly, arms around one another, as she let the healing tears fall. Nothing more needed to be said as God loved on her. I guess I was there to help her feel safe enough so that God could do his work. That was cool.

I’m off to Florida in a few weeks to visit a friend, which I’m rather excited about. I hope we have decent weather…luckily she lives close to the beach. Should be a nice and relaxing time.

Ok, I think I can start getting ready for work now. I’m starting to see some light outside.

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